First- Generation Anxiety and the Fear of Letting Your Family Down

Written By Jasmine Perez

Disappointing Family and That Feeling Of Not “Doing Enough”, Does This Sound Familiar?

This is often the feeling we can have when we grew up watching our parents work hard day in and day out to support the family. You know, those early mornings and long nights at work for them. Watching them do, do, and do- the weekend chores, coming home to cook dinner, and the unspoken pressure that comes from their unspoken or sometimes spoken sacrifices. When other’s build their identity around doing, providing, and “getting it done”, there is no slowing down and resting.

Anxiety Can Show Up As Responsibility, Guilt, Or Pressure To Say “Yes”

Symptoms of anxiety usually involve feeling nervous, restless, or tense. When we think about family and the responsibility to not let people down, it can create irrational guilt around a normal mistake or having your own sense of identity and beliefs that don’t align with family. It can trick our brain into thinking that because “we can, we should” which often leads to burn out and resentment when we are not prioritizing the things that fill up our cups.

Why The Fear of Letting Your Family Down Is So Strong

We may feel a sense of obligation like “we should” do this or that. It creates this heavy feeling of “ I must” and not “ I want” in a relationship, that can be driven by guilt.

Common Signs of Anxiety in First Generation Adults

  • Chronic guilt

  • Overthinking decisions

  • Having a hard time resting or setting boundaries i.e staying up late at night, trouble sleeping

  • Feeling constantly stressed by demands

  • Feeling nervous, anxious, or on edge

How Anxiety Shows Up In The Day to Day Of Adulthood

  • Having a hard time saying no when someone asks you for something

  • Having a hard time choosing paths that are different from family expectations

  • Anticipating how someone will react to your choices and feeling stressed, judged, or like the “black sheep”

  • Not honoring what you value and your beliefs to avoid someone being mad at you

How Therapy Can Help Feelings of Guilt, Stress, and Judgement

  • Therapy helps by creating a space to explore that guilt and judgement

  • Therapy helps us lean to separate responsibility from worth

  • Therapy can help with figuring out how to honor family values without sacrificing our own wellbeing

If you are struggling with first generation anxiety or the the worry of letting your family down, therapy can help. I offer in person therapy in Escondido, CA or join me online anywhere in California. Contact me for a free 15 minute consultation.

Jasmine Perez